My creative bones are tingling and I've been listening to sad music and reading sad quotes and it's put this idea for a small fictional monologue and I hope you guys enjoy it.
I sat on the damp grass and smoked my third cigarette. We'd only been in the park for twenty minutes and I could tell my friends were trying to work out what I was thinking with their quick side glances and careful words, making sure they didn't mention him. The smoke burnt the back of my throat as I inhaled again, red stains printed on the filter. Wishfully hoping it would kill me quicker than he did. Part of me was angry, yearning to be careless and destructive, the other part of me had given up. It was fully prepared to drop the facade of savage man-eater and reveal my true colours. The conversation I had endured with my friend just yesterday replayed in my mind,
"This isn't a storybook," he had told me, I'd looked him in the eyes and smiled, a small, very dejected smile.
"I know that now. He may have been a story book boy but if my life were really a story, we'd be back together by now." The smile faded and I stared at the rest of the world as people rushed by, continuing with their every day lives when I felt as though it was impossible. I spared my friend the thoughts that circled my mind. The pain of having your best friend, your significant other, you reason to breathe just slip through your fingers as though you were nothing. As if you'd never meant half as much to them as they meant to you. The lump caught in my throat as it did every time the subject was brought up and I swallowed it once more. My eyelids had swollen and the bags that rested under them; tumid. It would be pathetic if I continue to cry at the mere mention of his existence. What a depressive creature I have become.
It was impossible to forget the burning image of his smile and the musical noise that floated by when he laughed, what a tragedy this was. To suddenly have the person that was once there every minute of everyday of every week and now they were gone.
Falling in love will kill you.
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